Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
