Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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