Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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