You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you guys were way drunker than both of me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
