Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
