I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
