For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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