I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
