He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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