I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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