i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
