Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
