dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
