Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
