Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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