I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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