I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
