Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They took my balls.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
