Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
