4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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