here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
