I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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