Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
