Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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