last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
