if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
