4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
