We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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