i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
