got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
