my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
