bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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