69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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