We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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