I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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