I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
