I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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