The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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