some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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