is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
