the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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