Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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