so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
