So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
