bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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