Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
