Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
