'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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