I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
