no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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