I should be sponsored by Trojan
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
