i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
