I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
