im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize