Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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