so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
